When you first announce your engagement everyone is sooo excited for you and they can't wait to help you with your wedding. Everyone immediately starts weighing in on what they think your colors should be, what your bridesmaids should wear, how you should style your hair and what flowers you should have in your centerpieces. But what do you want?
Fear of Bridezilla Creates A Shy Bride - I've noticed that a lot of brides are really worried about being labeled the dreaded "bridezilla" so they are extra careful with what they say, ask and comment on when it comes to their weddings. But that means your voice isn't getting heard amongst the crowd and are you really getting what you want at YOUR wedding?
The Groom Weighs In.. and So Does Everyone Else!
For years the groom was the quiet guy in the corner showing up at the obligatory meetings but now he's front and center. He's letting everyone know the kind of wedding he'd like to have and sometimes he's talking louder than the bride. The men are really stepping up to the plate when it comes to weddings so where does that leave you, the bride?
And it's not just your groom weighing in I'm sure- it's your mother, your mother in law, your bridesmaids, your co-workers, even some of your wedding vendors. It probably seems like everyone has an opinion on your wedding. So how do you cope with all this "help?"
Don't Get Too Zen When It Comes To Wedding Planning
When it comes down to it, it's YOUR day... and by "your" I mean both you and your groom. So that means that you're going to have to get dirty and get into the wedding planning together.
Here are some tips for weighing in on what you want when common wedding "situations" occur:
1. They're Paying So I Can't Say- What?!- So there's the age old dilemma of the parents paying for a certain portion of the wedding (or all of it) and the bride being nervous to go against her parents' or her future in-laws' wishes. Well, your parents want you to be happy and have your dream day so I suggest that you sit down together and talk (calmly) about some of the things on your wish list. Ask them what's on their wish list too. Then see what compromises can be made.
2. They Have To Wear It So Should They Choose It?- Oh bridesmaid dresses! I think we've all worn our share of fugly ensembles and smiled through it. But now brides are letting their bridesmaids weigh in on the style, color and design and it's leading to great chaos. You need to be happy with what your bridesmaids are wearing. Their outfit is a big part of the overall "décor" plus they're in all the pictures with you.
I'm all for letting them wear something that's comfortable but I'd suggest having 3 choices for them to pick from. 3 choices that you've already made. And remember, you can't please everyone. I've seen the maid of honor pick the dress and the others in the party be wild with her choice. No one is ever going to wear it again so just pick a dress that best suits YOUR wedding.
3. 3. Yeah!... He's Involved... Oh no... He's Involved- So we all wished that the man we'd marry would love to help us pick out cake flavors and come on a tour of the wedding venue with us but we had no idea we were getting Groomzilla.
Guys are mega involved in weddings these days as I think they should be. But their love of facts means that they are making decisions based on tons of research and not on emotion (think of how they buy a car). So as the bride you might see a cake in the magazine and say, yes, this is it, I love this cake it will make such a statement. He's going to argue with you that it's "just cake" and why can't you go with the bake shop he's researched that has the best price (but maybe not the best cake)?
While he should be applauded for being a frugal and excited groom the two of you need to get on the same page. The best way to handle this situation is to have wedding meetings together (just the 2 of you) so that you can both discuss your wish lists and come to a consensus BEFORE you start shopping around together.
Also talk with him about quality. Just as there is a big difference between a suit from Walmart versus a suit from Ralph Lauren there is a big difference when it comes to the quality of wedding vendors. Educate your groom on this vast world of weddings. After all, he hasn't been secretly reading wedding magazines since he was 16 right?
4. Thanks For Your Opinion But No Thanks- I don't like pushy wedding vendors. I can't stand when a bride calls me and says, "I hired the wrong wedding planner, she's doing everything her way and tells me that my ideas are ugly." It honestly makes me so sad. And again, it comes down to quality and professionalism.
There are a lot of fantastic people in the industry that you hear about all the time because they've worked for years at their craft and at building their reputation. Others are just flying by the seat of their pants, high on power. Before you book any vendors make sure you get a good feel for their attitude. Are they willing to work with you and your ideas? This is a huge factor when it comes to your wedding day.
No one should be shoving ideas down your throat, instead they should be masterminding with you about your vision, fine tuning it for amazing results. Be up front and honest if a vendor is trying to make you do it their way (and there doesn't seem to be a reason). There is a difference between giving professional advice based on experiences in the past and insisting that it be done their way because that's what they'd prefer. It is your wedding day and it's okay to walk away from a vendor that is working against you not with you (you don't need the extra drama-rama)
It's fantastic that so many people want to share in your wedding experience. It's not so fantastic when it means that you're not being heard. Just take everything in stride and explain to all involved what your vision for your wedding day is. There is nothing wrong with saying, "I want..." Just say it like the cute, fun bride that you are and not like bridezilla would scream it from the top of her lungs.
Ciara Daykin is Calgary's premiere Wedding Choreographer. Brides wanting a dazzling, dashing, dream-filled wedding turn to Ciara for all their wedding planning needs.
Ciara is a proud member of the Association of Bridal Consultants.
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